The 5 Worst Movies I Saw in 2011

While unfortunately, I can’t include the latest Twilight, Nic Cage’s most recent debacle Trespass, or the Adam Sandler slip-up Jack and Jill because I didn’t bother seeing any one of those, there were five shining, terrible gems that worked hard to make this list.

5. Abduction/ The Hangover Pt. 2

Two movies tie for this spot because while both had their entertaining moments, both were pretty bad. Abduction had as many laughable moments as the second Hangover, while Taylor Lautner tried far too hard to be a young Jason Bourne. I will admit that some of the fight sequences were impressive on Lautner’s end, but between the over-dramatic dialogue and failed attempt to issue a sort of suspense that wasn’t quickly followed by a laugh, the script, Lautner, and the poorly used supporting cast made this movie all the more a mess and even painful to watch at times.

The Hangover Pt. 2 reigns as the biggest disappointment for a sequel for me.  Director Todd Philips took the formula that made the original a great hit and decided to repeat it action for action rather than employ any form of originality in this movie. For having such a hilarious leading cast under his belt, Philips really blew this great opportunity to make a hilarious sequel.

4) Bad Teacher

Bad Teacher was just a bad movie. It’s a great example of how to bring movie-goers in on opening weekend, and then allow bad word-of-mouth to drive any other potential viewers away. From the looks of the trailer, Jason Segel, Justin Timberlake, and Cameron Diaz were going to make us crack up throughout the movie. I can’t recall laughing one time the entire movie. Every one of Segel’s few scenes were shown in the trailer, leaving no possibility of surprise or laughs. Diaz played an entirely unlikable character that never felt like bringing you over to her side the entirety of the movie.

3) Transformers: Dark of the Moon

I'm as scared as Shia in this picture.

This was the movie I wasted the most money on in 2011. Michael Bay successfully made one of the worst movies of the year without batting an eye. Shia Labeouf must have been coming off his latest run-in with the police or argument with a random bar-hopper, because his bad attitude was the only visible emotion he displayed on screen throughout the long, laborious three hour-length movie–1 1/2 hours too long. Then, in steps Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, the Victoria’s Secret model that has never acted before, and lets us know within five minutes that that‘s the case. I had to even laugh at Bay’s attempt at jabbing Megan Fox with a line from one of the characters that was something like, “I HATED your old girlfriend. She’s so *insert negative remark here*. Scene after scene of unexplained phenomena continued while I stepped out of the theater to get a break from the madness and go to the bathroom.

2) The Green Hornet

Luckily, the movie theater’s credit card machines were down and I was able to see this movie for free, because only my time was wasted in this case. Perhaps some of the failure of this movie is due to it not finding it’s direction under Marvel, which has made many successful action/superhero movies. Seth Rogen blows in this movie more than other flops he has turned in year after year. Christopher Waltz fills the role of the worst villain I have ever seen in a movie. I have no clue what Cameron Diaz was doing in this movie, because she didn’t fit at all, and the bromanship between Rogen and Jay Chou quickly plummeted as they both attempted to over-induce the audience with their version of being dramatic. James Franco made an odd, but interesting cameo in the beginning, and he is the luckiest of them all because he got killed off so early. I wish Rogen and Chou would have followed in his footsteps, or better yet, not made this horrible movie.

1) Beastly

Beastly holds the number spot for worst movie I saw in 2011, because I couldn’t think of any other movie that was as bad as this one. There are so many problems with this movie, I don’t even know where to begin. Writer-director Daniel Barnz wrote one of the worst screenplays to make it on the big screen. It has to be the poorest attempt at taking a story/movie gem like Beauty and the Beast and trying to make a spiff off it. While Vanessa Hudgens could be a believable Beauty, every last one of her lines were oozing with sap, refusing to let her portray a normal, actual person who talks like a normal, actual person. Alex Pettyfer plays the “beast” character, that instead of losing his six-pack, gains a new set of tattoos and goes bald. “Pretty gruesome,” his character refers to his new look, but Hudgens declares that she’s seen worse, and now we all know that somehow in this pile of sloppy, self-indulgent, pretentious script, Beauty will wind up with the Beast. Which leads me to question many of the movie’s plotholes: Why would her father allow a complete stranger to hole her up in a house? Why does Pettyfer think gifts such as a designer purse  or wearing a mask will “woo” a girl downstairs? Which leads me to the biggest question of sorts, why did I sit through this entire movie? Or even more so, how did I not vomit throughout the movie?

What were the worst movies you saw in 2011? Did you like any of the ones that I couldn’t stand, or would you put them on your worst list too?

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Friends With Benefits: Art of Self-Deprecation at Its Best

This weekend, I finally decided it was OK to see Friends With Benefits. I was very against seeing this movie, as much as I was against seeing (and still am against seeing) No Strings Attached, because it looks like it just took the other main actress from Black Swan, Natalie Portman, and put her in the same title role: a female character stupidly thinking that sharing only a sexual relationship with a partner can still let you function devoid of emotional attachment to that partner.

Here’s the deal with Friends With Benefits: it joyfully and wittingly makes fun of itself. The biggest enjoyment I received from watching the movie was when Jamie (Mila Kunis) and Dylan (Justin Timberlake) were watching a romantic comedy starring Jason Segel and Rashida Jones. The overdramatic dialogue, the huge gestures, the cliche storyline, the chase scene, the upbeat credits song (by none other than Train)–all are elements that make up the majority of rom coms today. And Dylan pointedly mentions this while he annoyingly sits through the cheesiness as Jamie sheds a few tears and declares that she wishes her life (particularly the love part of it) to be like a movie.

When a movie sees itself for what it is–in this case, a romantic comedy–and doesn’t try to pretend to be something else, but assuredly and confidently works itself out, you find yourself less annoyed at the cliche elements that make up the genre and more accepting of the particular movie’s efforts. Friends With Benefits gladly takes it place and doesn’t apologize for being what it is. That’s what more romantic comedies need to do.

Although I will probably not make time for a second viewing (primarily due to objectionable elements), I did find the movie to be cute and fun, and I mostly appreciated the different approach that Will Gluck took in making this movie not your typical rom com. There’s some interesting and fun supporting characters played by Woody Harrelson and Patricia Clarkson, and two hilarious cameos by Shaun White, that add humor, while a performance by Richard Jenkins, who plays Dylan’s dad, gave a nice dramatic element to the film.

Both Dylan and Jamie get wrapped up in their own personal confusion of the relationship and take longer than usual to resolve those feelings and come to the conclusion that they are a perfect fit. It’s nice to see some new faces star in a more original rom com, and kudos to Gluck for making it interesting. If I ever see No Strings Attached (fat chance, though), I might make a comparison. But until I find my life boring enough to make time for a viewing of that, I’m sticking with Friends With Benefits.